- January 2007: A Bladder the Size of a Pea
- February 2007: From Larda** to Gym Rat in Less Than 90 Days
- March 2007: The Jetsons Meet Miami’s Paragueros
- April 2007: Leave Me Alone!
- May 2007: One Big, Crabby Family
- Summer 2007: It Happened So Fast, But It’s So Good!
- September 2007: Dogs 101 for Twits
- October 2007: Dear Blabby and Gabby
- November 2007: The Humorless Twit Is Bored (Or Did He Say “Boring?”)
- December 2007: The Humorless Twit Joins Writer’s Strike for the Holidays
This column is about… um, sorry, we’ve gotta go….
The pounds keep peeling off the Twit’s formerly massive frame.
The thought of Miami drivers with flying cars causes The Twit to have nightmares.
The Tvit, er, Twit does his best Greta Garbo impression and says “I vant to be left alone,” only without the Svedish, er, Swedish accent.
A bunch of aunts looking to crash The Twit’s picnic.
The Twit finds true love… finally.
That hardheaded, disobedient little mutt! But enough about The Twit…
My Aunts Blabby and Gabby take over and ramble on, and on, and on, and on…
WARNING: This month’s column was written by a scab!