For this issue, the traditional summer issue, I’m going to share some “bits and pieces,” as it were: a collection of one-liners, real headlines from various local, national and international media–including my comments–and some made up headlines you’ll never see in the real media.
So… enjoy and have a great summer!
“Animal Sacrifice Could Spark Shark Attack”–Reuters News Service, May 12
***Especially if the animals being sacrificed are the sharks…
“‘Witch’ Was To Be Thrown Into River?”–Reuters News Service, May 12
“When You Were Born Influences When You Reach the Menopause”–Medical News Today, May 12
***Talk about “news of the obvious…”
“Milwaukee Making Progress on Stray Condoms”–Associated Press, May 13
***I hear if you neuter and spay them before you release them, you can control the stray condom population…
“Good News On Severed Goat Heads: Satan Not Involved”–Reuters News Service, May 10
***Whew, that’s comforting to know…
“Cigars and Women Not Uncommon”–Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.), May 12
***Bill Clinton is moving to South Carolina?
“Wendy’s Finger Belongs to Friend of Suspect’s Husband”–The Miami Herald, May 13
***Wendy is the husband’s friend? I’d look out for signs they’re “more than friends” if I were his wife…
“Bush Selects Mint Director for State Post”–News MyWay.com, May 12
***What I want to know is, what is the Wintergreen Director doing?
“Oil steadies after big slide”–News MyWay.com, May 13
***I hope it wasn’t a water slide because everybody knows oil and water don’t mix…
“Death Pleads Guilty To Cheating Cemetery”–1010 WINS AM web site (New York), May 11
***Death cheated death? The Grim Reaper must be confused…
“Study: Meanness in Girls Can Start at 3″–Associated Press, May 6
***With my ex-wife, I’m sure it started earlier (like at conception)…
“Senate OKs bill millions of years in the making”–Statesman Journal (Salem, OR), May 5
***Strom Thurmond lives!
“Despite Finger, Body Parts in Food Rare”–Associated Press, May 4
***What if I want mine well done?