Daydream Believer | March 2005

 

I daydream. A LOT. In fact, I sometimes have recurring daydreams. I’ve even had “daymares.” Which might explain some of my previous columns. It sure will explain this one, anyway.

One thing I’ve often daydreamed about, or fantasized about, is something human beings have fantasized about pretty much since humanity began. And that is, what it would be like to have magic powers.

Maybe I have a vivid imagination—I’ve certainly been told as much before. But I’ve given this subject much thought–or I’ve daydreamed about it, if you will.

Most recently, I’ve wondered what life would be like if I had magical powers. More specifically, I’ve wondered what single “magical” power I’d like to have if I could choose.

And that would be the power to make other people fall asleep at will. By the way, I’m not talking about giving long-winded speeches that put people to sleep (a la Fidel Castro), or writing awful humor columns that put people to sleep (like someone I know REAL well). I mean being able to snap your fingers and the object of your spell is OUT COLD until you want them to wake up.

Think about how great it would be to have this specific power.

You could walk into a bank or jewelry store and–SNAP–put everyone (including armed security guards) to sleep, then you could just take whatever you wanted…

In school, you could put the teacher and your fellow students to sleep at the end of the testing period, then get your answers from either the teacher’s answer key or the smartest student in class…

At work, anytime you see your boss walking your way with that look in his or her eyes that says he or she is about to give you a tough assignment, you could put him or her to sleep…

Anytime one of your in-laws starts to bother you or remind your significant other that he or she could’ve done better, you could put them to sleep…

When the New York Jets are beating the Miami Dolphins, you could put the Jets’ best players to sleep (oh how I wish I could do this one!)…

When you’ve been caught by the police in a speed trap, you could put them to sleep…

The neighbor’s yappy dog who barks in the middle of the night–put it to sleep (I mean REALLY sleeping, not euthanized!)…

My yappy dog who barks in the middle of the night–put her to sleep…

Imagine going to a singles bar and finding someone attractive…

Alas, I have a conscience, so I couldn’t actually just put people to sleep for these reasons (but yappy dogs, that’s another story…). But it’s fun thinking about how it would work!

My favorite scenario involves rush hour driving in Miami and myself in a motorcycle. I’d put everybody else to sleep–hey, they’re stuck in traffic and not moving so they can’t crash (and if this still sounds implausible, too bad, it’s my daydream, nyah, nyah!). I’d then zip around all the cars and get home from work in like ten minutes.

Heck, for that matter, I’d be able to run errands and go out and do stuff on weekday nights without having to worry about the traffic. No more letting our terrible traffic drive my life. Get it? “Drive?” “Traffic?”

Anyway, there are a few situations (and people upon whom) I’d never use such a power, as well.

The pilot on any plane I’m riding in…

My dentist–well, maybe BEFORE he starts drilling I might…

The guy who’s tailgating me (don’t want him to fall asleep with his foot already pushing on the accelerator)…

The Ferris wheel operator at a fair (I have a MAJOR fear of heights already, without getting stuck at the top on this ride)…

Another power I’d like to have is the power to wake myself up. Like right now.

Maybe if I wake up I can actually write this column. Before the editor puts this issue to bed. And I start to daydream again….