There’s No Place Like Home For The Holidays–That Is, If Your Roof Is In One Piece And You Have Power And Cable TV Back | December 2005

 

I could get into a long, pseudo-intellectual ramble (like I did after Katrina) advising all of you to give to the Red Cross or other organization to help the victims of Wilma–except that WE were the victims of Wilma. But by all means, if you can, please help out where you can. Many our neighbors are still going through hard times thanks to Wilma.

But enough about that. It’s time for the annual Twit holiday tradition: holiday song parodies! (Or, more correctly due to length, song parody.)



The Twelve Days of Twitmas

This year, I think I’ll forgo Christmas and celebrate Twitmas instead, so, “Merry Twitmas!”

On the first day of Twitmas,
My ex-love gave to me,
A cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the second day of Twitmas
My ex-love gave to me,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the third day of Twitmas,
My ex-love gave to me,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the fourth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love gave to me,
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the fifth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love gave to me,
Five genuine faux gold rings….
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the sixth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love gave to me,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the seventh day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the eighth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the ninth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Nine pregnant “exotic” dancers,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the tenth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Ten geeks computing,
Nine pregnant “exotic” dancers,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the eleventh day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Eleven expensive plumbers piping (plus their bills),
Ten geeks computing,
Nine pregnant “exotic” dancers,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs

On the twelfth day of Twitmas,
My ex-love sent to me,
Twelve drummers drumming (rather loudly),
Eleven expensive plumbers piping (plus their bills),
Ten geeks computing,
Nine pregnant “exotic” dancers,
Eight maids a-bilking,
Seven ceiling fans not a-turning,
Six in-laws over-staying,
Five genuine faux gold rings…
Four used calling cards,
Three old french fries,
Two non-matching socks
And a cartridge, needle and a bunch of scratched LPs