Jan 212008
 

OMG! Not in a million years. Not if I were richer than Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and that Mexican oil dude, combined.

Gary Coleman

Are Gary Coleman’s pants the new Virgin Mary grilled-cheese sandwich? No. They are bigger.

Bidding on eBay reached $400,000 on Thursday for a pair of navy blue, size 12XL-Regular Gap Kids sweatpants signed by the former child star.

Yes, $400,000.

“This is really high,” eBay spokeswoman Karen Bard agreed.

Um, ya think, Mrs. Bard?

Jan 022008
 

Happy New Year to you. The January 2008 column, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam… The Humorless Twit Fights Back Against Spammers, is now online.

Here’s a snippet:

GREETINGS DEAR FREIND

My name is Aykumfrumalabama Wisabanjo Onmainee, one of the 58 sons of major Gen Gimmeall Yermoni, The late Nigeria’s former minister of correuption in the regime of the late former Nigeria’s military Head of state, Gen Smoki Hibachi.